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Posts Tagged ‘Moron’

Where Do Some People Learn How To Drive?

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

Wow! I’m glad that so many of you liked yesterday’s rant about some of the stupid people lurking around MySpace. It wouldn’t be so sad if it was true, right? I received a bunch of messages about how you liked that post and that put me in an interesting position for today since I had so many things to write about. I was going to write about the old lady (in her late 60’s) that I saw this morning at the Wawa who had huge fake breasts that made her look like some type of grapefruit thief, but I think I’ll write about the morons on the road this morning since it will allow me to get a little bit more steam out.

Anyone involved in the debacle that was central New Jersey’s morning commute today knows that it was horrendous. The rain came down like a flood and visibility was all but nonexistent. So what would you do in such a situation when you had to go to work in this weather? Clearly, if you were a moron driving a white, Acura SUV this morning you would be riding everyone’s tail and swerving in and out of traffic! Look, I don’t know what this asshole in the white Acura was trying to accomplish, but I watched in my rear view mirror as he zoomed in and out of the two lanes of traffic until he reached where I was on the road. And then, almost unbelievably, this guy came to within less than a foot of distance between his car and mine. Seriously! Who does that when you’re driving in a torrential downpour? An idiot does that, that’s who…

Almost as bad was this woman driving in a little Volkswagon Cabrio. I’ve never driven a small VW so I don’t know how these things handle in that type of rain, but this woman had her emergency lights on and was cruising at about 30 miles per hour. If I had a direct line into her car I would have said, “Hey, honey, you create more problems than you solve when you do that!”

Look, I understand that some people are horrified of driving in the rain. It can be a very scary event. In my mind, you have two scenarios when it’s torrential outside – don’t drive at all or, if you have to drive and you get caught in a monsoon, pull over and wait for it to die down.

But for the love of all that’s good, don’t put your blinkers on and smoothly sail away at 30 miles per hour on a major, two-lane highway when everyone around you is going at 60 – 80 miles per hour. If you don’t “know” that doing this is going to create major problems, you probably shouldn’t have a license in the first place.

Posted in Idiots, Morons, & Fools | 1 Comment »

What An Idiot – You Can’t Be Serious?!

Monday, June 8th, 2009

The other day I was trolling around MySpace and I saw the dumbest piece of “writing” that I’ve ever seen in my entire life, ever. The person whose profile I pulled this from isn’t someone who I know directly, but it is someone who has a relationship with my extended family. In other words, this person is pretty far removed and I don’t mind putting this ridiculous paragraph on the blog and blasting it. I’ve changed the names to protect the innocent (and extremely stupid).

hey my name is jill im 28 and i like to hang out and meet new ppl i am with the most wondful guy name bob he my life and now i be came a wondful aunt and she also my lil gurl(tanisha) i love her with all my heart. i have 6 tattoes i have 3 priceing

How can anyone write something so incredibly stupid, look at it, and say, “Yes. That’s what I want the world to know about me.” Are you serious?! “I am with the most wondful guy.” Really? Wondful? Is this a new word that I wasn’t alerted to? Wondful? Couldn’t squeeze out that “er” could you? Idiot…

Oh, and this “wondful” guy means a lot to you because “he my life.” He my life?! What? Couldn’t manage to pop out an “is” or “completes” or “enhances” or any word at all? Moron…

Hold on, folks. I have to go vomit.

Back.

But wait! Not only is this guy that this moron is with “wondful” but apparently she, herself, is a “wondful” aunt! Oh, how marvelous!? A “wondful” aunt who has a “wondful” guy on her arm. Life is awesome!!!

And not only is she a “wondful” aunt, but she loves her “gurl.” Really? Your “gurl?” Just couldn’t manage to push the key located directly next to the “u” on the keyboard, huh? Dummy…

However, for me the best part of this drivel – the part that forced me to write this post – was the last line where this “wondful” dummy writes, “i have 6 tattoes i have 3 priceing.” No shit? You have 6 tattoes, huh? And what exactly is a tattoe? Is that a tattoo on your toe? If so, why does one need six of them? But better yet, what is a “priceing?”

Many, many years ago I worked for PathMark in the Price Integrity Department. My job was to put the prices up on the shelves. Some people said I was pricing the items. However, this dummy “have 3 priceing.” So, clearly, what this dolt is talking about doesn’t match what I used to do for a part-time job. Hmmm… Perhaps she meant to say that she has three piercings? Nooo… NO ONE could be so stupid that they write “priceing” and mean to really write “piercing.” Right? RIGHT?

Folks, I put this up there because a bunch of my friends (and readers of this blog) are beginning to have children. That’s great. Kids are awesome. However, please, please, please stay on top of your child’s education! No, I’m not suggesting that you become one of these overprotective parents who don’t allow their children to form their own personalities. What I AM suggesting, though, is that if you do not keep an eye on your child’s education and do as much reading to your child as possible in their early, formative years, then you may wind up with the moron that we see above.

The moral of the story is to read to your child and to get them engaged in reading and writing early on in life. You wouldn’t want them growing up thinking that their life is “wondful” when it could be wonderful.

Posted in Computers, Internet, & Technology, Idiots, Morons, & Fools | 4 Comments »

Time to Put Plaxico Out to Pasture…

Sunday, November 30th, 2008

Did you hear the latest about the New York Giants’ Plaxico Burress? Apparently this dope shot himself in the leg. This idiot brings an unregistered gun to a nightclub and shoots himself in the thigh with it. What the hell type of moron is this? Some commentary from the opinion article linked above:

Burress now finds himself on the same side of the line that Jeremy Shockey ultimately found himself last year without ever pulling the trigger of a gun. Ultimately, your presence will be tolerated until your insolence is greater than your usefulness.

Maybe the Giants should have learned from other teams’ lessons. Latrell Sprewell was a soul worth saving for the Knicks until he ultimately became a cancer in his own clubhouse. There are similarities aplenty between Sprewell and Burress, right down to this: ultimately, keeping Sprewell would have meant losing something much deeper, much greater. It was one of the last smart things the Knicks did until recently.

Given the recent history of the Cowboys, why not let Plaxico out to pasture so they can snatch him up in Dallas? I’m sure the combination of an egomaniac like Terrell Owens, a punk like Plaxico Burress, an overrated quarterback like Tony Romo, and a troubled cornerback like Pacman Jones is all that the Cowboys need to return to their former prominence! Ha ha ha!!!

Posted in Idiots, Morons, & Fools, Sports | 3 Comments »

Rules of Self-Checkout

Monday, September 13th, 2004

After suffering through so many idiotic exchanges at the various Self-Checkouts located in my local Wal-Mart, BJ’s, and other places that offer this “service,” I decided that there needs to be some ground rules for using the self-checkout machine.

Rule One
If you are an idiot, you CANNOT use the self-checkout! You know who you are – whether you are the kid who was in the special classes all of his life or the parents who never knew that their little girl was a whore until she got pregnant three times before reaching the age of 18 – you are NOT allowed to use this machine. Idiots come in all shapes and sizes. Do us all a favor and admit to yourself that you’re not too bright and that it might be easier for you to go to someone else and have them scan your items for you.

Rule Two
If you are having trouble with the self-checkout machine – do NOT blame the machine! It is extremely rare that the machine makes a mistake…it can only do what a human tells it to! If your stupid ass can’t realize that the bagging area is actually weighted and even if you add a toothpick to that area the ultra-sensitive weighing machine will pick it up, then you shouldn’t be using this machine. So if you are using the self-checkout, that means that one scan = one item or else the machine is going to get pissed off and say that you’re not doing something right!

Rule Three
ONLY USE SELF-CHECKOUT IF YOU HAVE A FEW, SMALL ITEMS!!! Son of a bitch! It pisses me off to no end when some fucking moron goes up to the self-checkout with ten or so items and in those ten items she has a pair of boots, an assortment of cosmetics, some clothes, and some bottles of detergent. Refer back to what I said in Rule Two to understand where I’m coming from here – these machines are NOT made to be able to accomodate a massive amount of items so don’t go there with a wagon that is packed with stuff! Idiots…

Rule Four
Do NOT let your kids run around while you use the self-checkout machine! Those little buggers putting candies in your bag or scanning things over the scan area are not only fucking up your order, but they’re making our wait longer and aggravating the shit out of us as we stand behind you. Keep them in control or keep them home!

Rule Five
For the love of God, do NOT complain to the people behind you in line when your box of shoes won’t go through the machine. Listen asshole, we KNOW how to use this machine. You don’t see us with a box of shoes and buckets of nail polish trying to wonder why the machine can’t read the teeny weeny bar code of a bottle of fucking nail polish. Don’t be a damn idiot – go and let the workers check you out. And damn it – don’t go and bitch to those of us who are being held up in line by your ignorance. Rot.

Rule Six
This is similar to the first rule, but it bears repeating. If you’re a complete and total fuck nut, do NOT use this machine. Who in their right mind would come to a self-checkout machine with expensive items such as computer parts or the like? Are you serious? What? Are you too cool to use the human checkout areas? Suck a dick.

Rule Seven
Do NOT try to steal anything when you go to the self-checkout areas! Damn it! There’s nothing that bothers me more than when someone has – for example – a flower pot that’s filled with candy bars and they just scan the flower pot. Dude, pay the extra 48 cents for the damn candy bars or put them back. And for you idiots who don’t know how this applies – go back and read about the sensitive weighing system on these machines – once you scan something and place it in the bagging area, it tells itself that the item you just scanned (whatever it is) weighs as much as you just put on the bagging area – and that includes your free candy bars you pig-bellied hose hound.

Rule Eight
Don’t give the self-checkout cashier any problems. This poor man or woman has to work at that stupid station all day long and deal with assholes like you who can’t manage to scan a bar of soap and put it in a bag without making a mistake. Get of their asses because it’s THEY who should be reaming YOUR ass out.

In closing, don’t use these self-checkout machines unless you have a clue. And if you don’t know what that means, then you shouldn’t be using the machines.

Posted in Idiots, Morons, & Fools | 5 Comments »