At my apartment our cable service is provided by Cablevision (which, by the way, is one of the worst companies in terms of customer service ever). As part of our television package (iO Digital), we get a bunch of high definition channels. Those of you in the tri-state area who have Cablevision probably know about the high definition selections in the 700-block of channels. Anyway, the reception that we get on these channels is so-so at best. When there are fast movements on the screen our HD signal becomes blocky, when there is an LCD screen being shown on the show that we’re watching it digitizes the entire picture, etc. It’s just crappy. Thankfully, this stuff only happens in spurts, but it sucks.

I did some research online and it turns out that if your signal entering your home/apartment/building is split too much before it hits your television, then your HD signal will be choppy and crappy. Well, for anyone who knows the dirtbag who used to own this building (my friends from college who read this blog will know who I’m talking about), then they probably know what the problem is with our cable. Our previous landlord was - as many landlords in this area are - a scumbag. He lied, cheated, and stole as much as possible. This applied to everything from rent to security deposits and yes - even to the cable service.

On ONE cable bill he provided “free” cable and internet service to two apartments, an office, a convenience store, a restaurant, and a hair salon. On any given day, there were upwards of 20 people on the internet alone - plus another 15 or so televisions that were hooked up throughout the building. Believe it or not, the signal didn’t suck at the time. However, now that a stronger signal is needed to get a perfect HD picture it appears that the old landlord’s 35+ way split of the service is now getting back at us.

Just some random bitching…

The New York Daily News ran a story earlier today that talked about all of the television shows that were canceled for the upcoming fall season. Reading through this list is absolutely hilarious for a bunch of reasons. For me, I like to laugh at the networks proving their stereotypes over and over again. I also like to look at the completely ridiculous shows that were cut and ask the obvious question: “Who approved this piece of garbage show in the first place?!?”

Some examples of the stereotypes…

FOX canceled Back to You - the news sitcom starring Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton. They put SO much promotional resources behind this show that you have to wonder if someone at FOX is finally going to get canned for wasting so much money. But this is FOX’s way - they start a show, give it two or three seasons (just enough time to build up a core fan base), and then dump the show. Idiots.

Then you have the brain trust at CBS who decided to cancel Jericho - again. If I’m not mistaken, CBS canceled Jericho last season and then was forced to bring the series back after tons of fan outrage. Hey, if that works, then I wonder why Arrested Development hasn’t been brought back by FOX yet!

Our friends at ABC canceled the Cavemen show. You know - the show based off of Geico’s advertising campaign. What a completely stupid…and I mean absolutely dumb…basis for a television show. ABC is only saved this time around because they are acquiring Scrubs from NBC. If you haven’t watched Scrubs, then you have to give it a shot. Lots of humor on that show.

The CW, which may have more problems that they’re not letting on about, gave up on WWE Smackdown! which will certainly go down as the dumbest move in this company’s short history. Why a dumb move? It’s the number one show on the network! I’m glad, though, that they’re bringing Smallville back for another season, but I’d like to see how they move that storyline along without Lex Luthor - especially in light of the large role he played in the season finale last night.

NBC is dropping 1 vs. 100, The Singing Bee, and My Dad is Better Than Your Dad. Good grief! Who gets fired for approving these shows in the first place - really? Alright, so 1 vs. 100 had some potential, but the game show scene is way over saturated right now.

Anyway, I guess there is still a chance that some of these shows will be brought back, but it’s doubtful.

The Asbury Park Press ran a story this morning that talked about how vendors located on Asbury Park’s Cookman Avenue were gearing up for what they believe will be a very successful summer season. From the article:

For one thing, some new stores are coming as promised to his already active 600 block. Asbury Bark, the dog boutique, moved over from Bangs Avenue, and clothing shop Organic Style and a new bookstore are set to open in May.

For another, he said store and restaurant owners have banded together to create events such as concerts.

I used to work on the office at the old Harry’s Roadhouse located on the 600 block of Cookman Avenue. We had it all going on at that place including a special Christmas concert by Asbury Park’s own Bruce Springsteen! But our ownership was shoddy and didn’t like to pay the bills so we eventually shut down. I heard that there are new owners in that place and that there is a new wind blowing through Cookman Avenue. This area had a mini-resurgence some 5 years ago (around the time I was working in the area) and while most of the shops have remained open and in business over the last few years, there was always something odd about Cookman. That weird “oddness” is what made people stop shopping there. I really can’t put my finger on it, but it always felt more like people were walking around in a movie than on a city street shopping.

This concert series sounds interesting, though. I’ll be looking out for more information on these events!

Although this post is a few days late, I just wanted to say congratulations to this year’s winner of NBC’s The Biggest Loser: Couples - Ali! In the end I wound up rooting for Kelley, but the transformations that the three finalists went through were absolutely amazing. And an extra congratulations to Ali for being the first female biggest loser. She managed to beat out Roger who lost some 164 pounds!

I’m glad that I got into watching this season of The Biggest Loser - the show definitely has a new fan in me.

Anyone who is unfortunate enough to watch this self-righteous loser’s show on HBO (a channel that my apartment will hopefully be canceling on May 1st), knows that Bill Maher is a jerk. He’s the type of arrogant, pompous prick who thinks that his thoughts are better than everyone else’s and that - because he’s smarter that you are - you should just take his “witty” barbs in jest. In case you haven’t heard, the New York Daily News can fill us in on what this dirtbag said about the Pope the other night:

“Whenever a cult leader sets himself up as God’s infallible wing man here on Earth, lock away the kids,” said Maher, comparing the Catholic Church to the polygamist cult authorities raided in Texas last week.

“I’d like to tip off law enforcement to an even larger child-abusing religious cult,” Maher said. “Its leader also has a compound, and this guy not only operates outside the bounds of the law, but he used to be a Nazi and he wears funny hats.”

After Maher said this, he flashed a picture of Pope Benedict XVI on the screen. Not only is this disturbing and disgusting, but it shows that Maher has a gross lack of understanding of reality. All this desperate-for-ratings-jerk had to do was listen to ONE comment that the Pope made since he arrived in America a few days ago to realize that he has reached out to the extreme minority of Catholics who have been abused by bastards who managed to make their way into the priesthood. All this loser had to do was open his ears (not even his mind, just his ears) and listen to the healing words spoken by the Pope. The Pope stopped and met with an inter-religious group the other night to let them know that we’re all in this thing together. The man has been the very height of religious professionalism and ecumenical evangelism since he assumed the Papacy and since he entered America.

Now, I know that this loser Maher said these disgusting, hurtful words because he wanted to get people like me to write posts like this. I also know that he wants to get people like me to watch his apology on his show tonight. Well, Maher proves once again that he knows nothing about our religion. If Maher is truly sorry for his words, then he has my forgiveness and the forgiveness of the Church. We don’t need to watch his stupid show to hear him say, “I’m sorry.” We are, however, also consumers of goods and as a consumer of HBO I choose to vote with my dollars and no longer have this channel on my lineup.

In the act of drawing a higher rating to his program, I hope that Bill Maher has set-off an Imus-like firestorm and eventually finds himself unemployed. He’s disgusting and should be shunned by all.

Mercifully, the powers that be at Sirius Satellite Radio and the Howard Stern Channels have decided to give us a better line-up of programming on Fridays on the Howard 101 channel. Although they will still be replaying the near-unlistened-to (and unlistenable) Mastertape Theatre on Howard 100, there will be live programming on Howard 101 starting at 7am and running through 2pm before Scott Ferrall comes back with a live show from 7pm to 11pm.

The new line-up looks something like this:

• 6AM-7AM: Howard 100 News Week in Review
• 7AM-10AM: Jay Thomas - Live
• 10AM-2PM: Bubba the Love Sponge - Live
• 2PM-3PM: Super Fan replay
• 3PM-7PM: Bubba the Love Sponge - replay of Friday morning show
• 7PM-11PM: Ferrall - Live

It’s somewhat annoying that the Howard Stern Show has not done a Friday Show in a long-time (over a year at this point) and that the “Friday Show” with Gary and John Hein was canceled (stupid decision). These shows brought much-needed and much-wanted live content to the airwaves. This is where part of the disconnect comes in between Howard and his contemporary audience comprised mostly of everyday people. Everyday people work on Fridays and they hate when their daily routine is goofed up…that includes what they listen to on their drive to the office!

Anyway, great move on the part of Sirius and the Howard Stern channels.

Another e-mail from my Mom. This one contains random bits of wisdom for a variety of topics ranging from the best way to peel a banana to how not to burn your house down via your clothes dryer. Enjoy!

Peel a banana from the bottom and you won’t have to pick the little “stringy things” off of it. That’s how the primates do it.

Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store. If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.

Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil. It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!

Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating. Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef. It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.

To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich add a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up.

For a cool brownie treat, make brownies as directed. Melt Andes mints in double broiler and pour over warm brownies. Let set for a wonderful minty frosting.

Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic.

Leftover snickers bars from Halloween make a delicious dessert. Simple chop them up with the food chopper. Peel, core and slice a few apples. Place them in a baking dish and sprinkle the chopped candy bars over the apples. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes!!! Serve alone or with vanilla ice cream. Yum

1. Reheat Pizza
Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works.

2. Easy Deviled Eggs
Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.

3. Expanding Frosting
When you buy a container of cake frosting from the st ore, whip i t with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.

4. Reheating refrigerated bread
To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.

5. Newspaper weeds away
Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers, put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not get through wet newspapers.

6. Broken Glass
Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can’t see easily.

7. No More Mosquitoes
Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.

8. Squirrel Away!
To keep squirrels from eating your plants sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn’t hurt the plant and the squirrels won’t come near it.

9. Flexible vacuum
To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.

10. Reducing Static Cling
Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and — ta da! — static is gone.

11. Measuring Cups
Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don’t dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.

12. Foggy Windshield?
Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car . Wh en the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!

13. Reopening envelope
If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals easily.

14. Conditioner
Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It’s cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It’s also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn’t like when you tried it in your hair…

15. Goodbye Fruit Flies
To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass fill it 1/2″ with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid, mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!

16. Get Rid of Ants
Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it
“home,” can’t digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works & you don’t have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!

17. INFO ABOUT CLOTHES DRYERS
The heating unit went out on my dryer! The gentleman that fixes things around the house for us told us that he wanted to show us something and he went over to the dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was clean. (I always clean the lint from the filter after every load clothes.)
He told us that he wanted to show us something; he took the filter over to the sink, ran hot water over it. The lint filter is made of a mesh material - I’m sure you know what your dryer’s lint filter looks like.
Well,…the hot water just sat on top of the mesh! It didn’t go through it at all! He told us that dryer sheets cause a film ov er that m esh that’s what burns out the heating unit. You can’t SEE the film, but it’s
there. It’s what is in the dryer sheets to make your clothes soft and static free — that nice fragrance too, you know how they can feel waxy when you take them out of the box, well this stuff builds up on your clothes and on your lint screen. This is also what causes dryer units to catch fire & potentially burn your house down with it! He said the best
way to keep your dryer working for a very long time (& to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out & wash it with hot soapy water & an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every six months. He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long! How about that!?! Learn something new everyday! I certainly didn’t know dryer sheets would do that. So, I thought I’d share!

Note: I went to my dryer & tested my screen by running water on it. The
water ran through a little bit but mostly collected all the water in
the mesh screen. I washed it with warm soapy water & a nylon brush & I had it done in 30 seconds. Then when I rinsed it — the water ran right thru the screen! There wasn’t any pudding at all! That repairman knew what he was talking about!

Ugh - I hate to put up a post that is a reaction to a television show, but after watching tonight’s The Biggest Loser I had to put something up. Maggie and Brittany are a bunch of crybabies and complainers. These stupid asses don’t realize that this show is a golden opportunity. You do NOT go on this show, break your ass for a week in the gym, and then lose no weight like Maggie did tonight. It just doesn’t happen - the laws of nature don’t function that way. At one time I lost well over 100 pounds (before I consciously put it all back on because I got very lazy). I know the disappointment of not losing weight after a week of breaking your butt. But I also know that the reason why that happens is largely because you get horrible sleep during the week and you pig out when people aren’t looking.

These two fools aren’t getting away with anything - the entire world is watching and we know what the deal is!

Unfortunately, NBC is milking this show for everything that it’s worth so we didn’t get the opportunity to see who was last night’s biggest loser, but do we really need to know? Both Maggie and Brittany are the biggest losers on all of television right now. I don’t know who put the idea in Brittany’s head that a woman’s metabolism cannot, fundamentally, work as well as a man’s metabolism, but a slim, tone Ali threw that mindset into the can by winning the whole thing.

Week in and week out I watch this show and I wonder how much more overly dramatic these two dummies could possibly get, but then I remember that there needs to be some type of drama in this show or else some of the viewers will refuse to watch. For my part, I can’t wait for both of these complaining losers to get off the show.

And in case you’re wondering (probably not) - I’m hoping that either Roger, Kelly, or Dan wins this season.

For those of you that don’t know, Nintendo Wii has something called a Virtual Console. This is essentially a purchase and download service where you can buy old games, store them on the Wii, and play them whenever you want. First of all, this is ingenious. Nintendo found a way to charge us $20 - $40 for these games when they first hit the market 10, 15, and 20 years ago. Now they’re charging us $5 - $10 to buy the game again. Brilliant.

But more importantly, the Virtual Console gives a 1980’s Nintendophile like myself the ability to download games that I used to love and play them today. Recently I’ve downloaded the original Legend of Zelda (for both myself and my Mom - she loves this game), Super Mario Brothers 3, Mario Kart 64, the original SimCity, Punch-Out featuring Mr. Dream (apparently Tyson was cut off from the franchise) and Super Mario 64. These games are awesome. I’ve definitely invested (wasted?) a bunch of time playing these games lately.

The best part is that Nintendo releases new games each Monday. Here’s hoping that some old Final Fantasy games get released as well as some more updated SimCity games! And for those of you who have a Wii and haven’t looked at the Virtual Console yet - take a look. For those of you who don’t have a Wii…go out and start looking for one!

My apologies, folks. I started writing this post two weeks ago and I just didn’t have a chance to finish it. Two weeks ago Howard Stern and his crew went on vacation (again). This was the week of President’s Day. I was shocked - what was the reason for the vacation THIS time?!

It is absolutely amazing how much these guys go on vacation! It’s funny because Howard Stern used to be a show that was about people trying to make it in the real world. Now it’s a show where the crew has every Friday off - how many folks in the working world get that? Not many… Now it’s a show where the staff has some 8 weeks of vacation each year (if not more). How many people have THAT luxury at their job?

Listen, I understand that Howard and the gang have earned these perks at this point in their legendary careers. But when they ask me to pay thirteen bucks each month to listen to a show that has 10 minute commercial breaks (mostly filled with smutty commercials) when he advertised the satellite service as being “commercial free” during his last year on terrestrial radio (check the tapes), I sort of expected more. I understand the need for commercials on satellite talk radio since they have more listeners than the music channels - fine, no problems there. But why do the commercial breaks have to be ten minutes (or more!) long?

But I digress…

What WAS the reason for the vacation two weeks ago? Did the crew celebrate President’s Day for an entire week? Seriously, does anyone know what the deal was with this vacation?