Some of you may have picked up that I take a class on Thursday nights at the local college. It’s a great class and, though it’s pretty long and thus exhausting, I do think that I’m making some good contacts and learning some interesting aspects of communication theory. But as you might expect, there is an certain aspect of this class that completely irritates the hell out of me – the person who I sit next to seems to be constantly sick!

It’s ridiculous! This woman sits there with a variety of crumpled up tissues and “snnngt!’s” all throughout the class! Then she coughs and hacks up a lung every once in a while. And after all of that, she lets out these long, exhausted breaths – think of the sound that, “Uuuuuhhhhhhhhh…” would make. It’s gross!

What the hell is wrong with some people? Look, I understand having to “suck in” the snot if there is no tissue around, but if you’re going to be sitting in a classroom (that is a SMALL classroom, by the way) you don’t have that option any more! You’re invading everyone else’s learning environment by constantly sucking in your goobers instead of blowing them out! And then to sit there and cough along with it? Really?!

Here we are in the midst of a nationwide discussion on whether or not we are going to be hammered by swine flu and part of that conversation is how college students need to be particularly aware of their health since the swine flu attacks younger people more harshly than older folks. And this woman comes to a class on a college campus hacking and wheezing and coughing up a lung? Seriously?!

Anyway, this unnecessary complication probably bothers me more than it does the other students in the class because she and I essentially share the same desk space so I’m right in the combat zone. It’s gross and it makes me want to vomit. The moral of the story is that you should not come to class if you are sick – stay home and e-mail the professor for the work, damn it.

I don’t mean for this post to come off as sexist or any other “ist” that the extremists out there might be able to conjure up, but I think what I ran into at Wal-Mart was a mid-day rush by a bunch of local housewives. And if this is the condition that the local housewives are in, then Neptune Township really needs to consider some type of public health campaign for its citizens to address this issue. And it wasn’t just the size that shocked me, but almost every single huge person I walked by had a tremendous odor. Personal hygiene is so critically important – especially now that diseases like swine flu are expected to hit the country hard.

It was just shocking. I had never seen so many large, loud mouthed, smelly people in my life. And in truth, while the scene appeared to be about 75% larger housewives there were also people walking around where I wondered, “Don’t these people have jobs?” Sure, I was walking around, but as I’ve already stated – I’m on a staycation. Could that many people really be on vacation, too? Did I stumble upon masses of people that live off of the government’s (and, ultimately, our) dole? What the hell was it?

Random Thoughts of the Day:

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

I would like to officially coin the phrase ‘catching the swine flu’ to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: “Dave caught the swine flu last night.”

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

By the way – if anyone really DOES know how to fold a fitted sheet, please let me know!