Anyone involved in the debacle that was central New Jersey’s morning commute today knows that it was horrendous. The rain came down like a flood and visibility was all but nonexistent. So what would you do in such a situation when you had to go to work in this weather? Clearly, if you were a moron driving a white, Acura SUV this morning you would be riding everyone’s tail and swerving in and out of traffic! Look, I don’t know what this asshole in the white Acura was trying to accomplish, but I watched in my rear view mirror as he zoomed in and out of the two lanes of traffic until he reached where I was on the road. And then, almost unbelievably, this guy came to within less than a foot of distance between his car and mine. Seriously! Who does that when you’re driving in a torrential downpour? An idiot does that, that’s who…

Almost as bad was this woman driving in a little Volkswagon Cabrio. I’ve never driven a small VW so I don’t know how these things handle in that type of rain, but this woman had her emergency lights on and was cruising at about 30 miles per hour. If I had a direct line into her car I would have said, “Hey, honey, you create more problems than you solve when you do that!”

Look, I understand that some people are horrified of driving in the rain. It can be a very scary event. In my mind, you have two scenarios when it’s torrential outside – don’t drive at all or, if you have to drive and you get caught in a monsoon, pull over and wait for it to die down.

But for the love of all that’s good, don’t put your blinkers on and smoothly sail away at 30 miles per hour on a major, two-lane highway when everyone around you is going at 60 – 80 miles per hour. If you don’t “know” that doing this is going to create major problems, you probably shouldn’t have a license in the first place.

hey my name is jill im 28 and i like to hang out and meet new ppl i am with the most wondful guy name bob he my life and now i be came a wondful aunt and she also my lil gurl(tanisha) i love her with all my heart. i have 6 tattoes i have 3 priceing

How can anyone write something so incredibly stupid, look at it, and say, “Yes. That’s what I want the world to know about me.” Are you serious?! “I am with the most wondful guy.” Really? Wondful? Is this a new word that I wasn’t alerted to? Wondful? Couldn’t squeeze out that “er” could you? Idiot…

Oh, and this “wondful” guy means a lot to you because “he my life.” He my life?! What? Couldn’t manage to pop out an “is” or “completes” or “enhances” or any word at all? Moron…

Hold on, folks. I have to go vomit.

Back.

But wait! Not only is this guy that this moron is with “wondful” but apparently she, herself, is a “wondful” aunt! Oh, how marvelous!? A “wondful” aunt who has a “wondful” guy on her arm. Life is awesome!!!

And not only is she a “wondful” aunt, but she loves her “gurl.” Really? Your “gurl?” Just couldn’t manage to push the key located directly next to the “u” on the keyboard, huh? Dummy…

However, for me the best part of this drivel – the part that forced me to write this post – was the last line where this “wondful” dummy writes, “i have 6 tattoes i have 3 priceing.” No shit? You have 6 tattoes, huh? And what exactly is a tattoe? Is that a tattoo on your toe? If so, why does one need six of them? But better yet, what is a “priceing?”

Many, many years ago I worked for PathMark in the Price Integrity Department. My job was to put the prices up on the shelves. Some people said I was pricing the items. However, this dummy “have 3 priceing.” So, clearly, what this dolt is talking about doesn’t match what I used to do for a part-time job. Hmmm… Perhaps she meant to say that she has three piercings? Nooo… NO ONE could be so stupid that they write “priceing” and mean to really write “piercing.” Right? RIGHT?

Folks, I put this up there because a bunch of my friends (and readers of this blog) are beginning to have children. That’s great. Kids are awesome. However, please, please, please stay on top of your child’s education! No, I’m not suggesting that you become one of these overprotective parents who don’t allow their children to form their own personalities. What I AM suggesting, though, is that if you do not keep an eye on your child’s education and do as much reading to your child as possible in their early, formative years, then you may wind up with the moron that we see above.

The moral of the story is to read to your child and to get them engaged in reading and writing early on in life. You wouldn’t want them growing up thinking that their life is “wondful” when it could be wonderful.

Burress now finds himself on the same side of the line that Jeremy Shockey ultimately found himself last year without ever pulling the trigger of a gun. Ultimately, your presence will be tolerated until your insolence is greater than your usefulness.

Maybe the Giants should have learned from other teams’ lessons. Latrell Sprewell was a soul worth saving for the Knicks until he ultimately became a cancer in his own clubhouse. There are similarities aplenty between Sprewell and Burress, right down to this: ultimately, keeping Sprewell would have meant losing something much deeper, much greater. It was one of the last smart things the Knicks did until recently.

Given the recent history of the Cowboys, why not let Plaxico out to pasture so they can snatch him up in Dallas? I’m sure the combination of an egomaniac like Terrell Owens, a punk like Plaxico Burress, an overrated quarterback like Tony Romo, and a troubled cornerback like Pacman Jones is all that the Cowboys need to return to their former prominence! Ha ha ha!!!