As I was going home I tried to piece together more of the mystery in my mind. The car key, specifically, was in my hand because it was bigger than the other keys. “Why does that matter,” I thought. I remembered I used it as a tool – it was pressing down on a small piece of metal. “What was that piece of metal,” I thought again. Then it hit me: “Wait – it was something on my laptop keyboard!”

I remembered using the car key on my key chain to try to fix the backspace button on my laptop. A few weeks ago the backspace button came flying off of my laptop keyboard. Apparently, I was pressing down on it to hard and over the course of the last three years that I’ve owned this machine (best computer I’ve ever had, by the way) I managed to bend some piece of the metal that held the hinge of the key in place. To bend the piece of metal back, I tried to use my car key so that the two hard surfaces would press against each other.

But as I was driving home last night, I remembered that my car key was too big for this job and that I had to go into my desk drawer to get a small tool. In my desk drawer I have a plastic box where I put my stuff so I can avoid the drawer turning into your typical “junk drawer.” Some of you may know where this is heading at this point in the story…

I finally got home from work last night, went up to my desk, opened the drawer, opened the plastic box, and guess what was looking back at me? That’s right – my keys. I guess in the heat of the moment when I was fixing my backspace button (which I DID fix and which works wonderfully now), I just dropped my keys into that plastic box and thought nothing of it.

As Homer Simpson would say, “D’oh!”

Anyway, I know that some of the entries on this blog are coming up days past when they should have been uploaded. That’s my fault. Many of you know that I tend to write a lot of these entries days in advance unless something ridiculous pops up (like losing my keys), in which case I take the scheduled update and push it out to a further date. Well, lately I’ve been hitting the “Save Draft” button in WordPress instead of the “Publish” button and I couldn’t tell you why. I’m in the process of fixing that oversight on my part, so updates should run more fluently from now on. I’ve had an update on this blog everyday since I merged JerseySmarts.com and Joe’s Journal in November 2008 and I don’t plan on breaking the streak any time soon!

hey my name is jill im 28 and i like to hang out and meet new ppl i am with the most wondful guy name bob he my life and now i be came a wondful aunt and she also my lil gurl(tanisha) i love her with all my heart. i have 6 tattoes i have 3 priceing

How can anyone write something so incredibly stupid, look at it, and say, “Yes. That’s what I want the world to know about me.” Are you serious?! “I am with the most wondful guy.” Really? Wondful? Is this a new word that I wasn’t alerted to? Wondful? Couldn’t squeeze out that “er” could you? Idiot…

Oh, and this “wondful” guy means a lot to you because “he my life.” He my life?! What? Couldn’t manage to pop out an “is” or “completes” or “enhances” or any word at all? Moron…

Hold on, folks. I have to go vomit.

Back.

But wait! Not only is this guy that this moron is with “wondful” but apparently she, herself, is a “wondful” aunt! Oh, how marvelous!? A “wondful” aunt who has a “wondful” guy on her arm. Life is awesome!!!

And not only is she a “wondful” aunt, but she loves her “gurl.” Really? Your “gurl?” Just couldn’t manage to push the key located directly next to the “u” on the keyboard, huh? Dummy…

However, for me the best part of this drivel – the part that forced me to write this post – was the last line where this “wondful” dummy writes, “i have 6 tattoes i have 3 priceing.” No shit? You have 6 tattoes, huh? And what exactly is a tattoe? Is that a tattoo on your toe? If so, why does one need six of them? But better yet, what is a “priceing?”

Many, many years ago I worked for PathMark in the Price Integrity Department. My job was to put the prices up on the shelves. Some people said I was pricing the items. However, this dummy “have 3 priceing.” So, clearly, what this dolt is talking about doesn’t match what I used to do for a part-time job. Hmmm… Perhaps she meant to say that she has three piercings? Nooo… NO ONE could be so stupid that they write “priceing” and mean to really write “piercing.” Right? RIGHT?

Folks, I put this up there because a bunch of my friends (and readers of this blog) are beginning to have children. That’s great. Kids are awesome. However, please, please, please stay on top of your child’s education! No, I’m not suggesting that you become one of these overprotective parents who don’t allow their children to form their own personalities. What I AM suggesting, though, is that if you do not keep an eye on your child’s education and do as much reading to your child as possible in their early, formative years, then you may wind up with the moron that we see above.

The moral of the story is to read to your child and to get them engaged in reading and writing early on in life. You wouldn’t want them growing up thinking that their life is “wondful” when it could be wonderful.