However, why does ESPN feel the need to ask questions on Baseball Tonight and SportsCenter like, “Next on SportsCenter: Are the Tampa Bay Rays and Boston Red Sox the new “Sox-Yanks rivalry”? What the hell is that? The Red Sox and Yankees have been bickering back and forth and annoying to baseball fans across the country for decades. The Rays and Red Sox are battling in 2008 for the first time and played a close game on the last day of June. Calm down. Why must be everything be so hyperbolized? Fernando Vina and Chris Singleton are telling me that the Rays will definitely win the division. It’s 83 games into the season. The trading deadline is 30 days away. Way too much can happen to definitively assess a team’s chances moving forward and to do so is foolish. And anyone who puts stock into this drivel is an even bigger idiot.

Discuss what these teams may do moving forward, their strengths and weaknesses-that’s what these shows are for. But why, after 83 games, does ESPN feel inclined to talk about the Devil Rays like they are Big Red Machine of the 1970’s? The programming in Bristol is simply becoming more irresponsible and less educational by the day. It’s lazy, cheap, and says a lot about what they think of their average viewer.

ESPN and ABC Sports broadcast the games and subsequently used SportsCenter to present the soccer tournament as if it was the most important thing to American sporting enthusiasts. The games didn’t even envolve America in any capacity. Yes, I know, soccer is a great game and you just have to try it and it is so fascinating and all of that shit. Great. I’m glad a small portion of people enjoyed the games, I’m sure you really went wild when that one goal was scored over 3.5 hours- but that doesn’t mean that I should have to sit and watch six minutes of highlights proceeded by 4 minutes of analysis by some British guy because ESPN wants good ratings for games that, to the vast majority of the American public, are meaningless.

The fact of the matter is, I, nor could most people name a single player that participated in the entire tournament. Is there still a Ronaldo out there? Was he in it? A word to ESPN, just because you decided to climb into bed with FIFA doesn’t mean you have to shove it down the viewing public’s throats like it was the fucking Super Bowl. Enough already.

I suppose we all go through the same shit, I guess. I’ve concluded that my life doesn’t evolve. It’s on spin cycle, moving slowly in the same exact circle since I was 14 years old. They say that when you go to college, everything changes. It’s a time of personal growth physically, mentally, and emotionally. In theory, you go to college and bury your face in some books, some legs, and some bottles of beer and you emerge an enlightened, refined individual. You meet new people, you learn new ideas, you do different things, and I guess that’s all true. Here I am though, having the same problems, the same conversations with the same people. It’s like those past four years have now been blacked out, they didn’t happen. The only trace of this personal growth is the incessant bitching and whining about how nothing will ever be that good ever again. That this is it. We’re fucked.

Really, that’s all I have to say. Perhaps this frustration, confusion, and sense of overwhelming uncertainty sounds familiar to you. If it does, then the rest of this is for you. Perhaps the following situation is remotely familiar to you (actual translation is in parentheses).

Me: “Oh wow, hey man, I haven’t seen you in awhile. How’ve you been?” (Jesus christ, I remember this fucking loser)
You: “Oh, I’m good, bro. I’m just over at the Thompson’s working at the bar.” (Jesus christ, I didn’t want him to see me, but I work at Thompson’s, I’m so cool.)
Me: “Great man, that’s very cool. I will see you around.” (This kid is actually proud of that. What an idiot.)
You: “Sounds good, bro.” (He thought he was a big shot, but now he is 100k in debt and hanging out in the places I’ve been at all along. Idiot.”

And see, the problem is, this stupid motherfucker is right. He’s totally right and we both know it. Here I am, here my friends are with our fancy college degrees and we are right back with all of these idiots in the same exact place. I know I’m better than these people, and time will eventually reveal this, or so I’m taught to believe. But right now, tonight, there is no substantial proof of my superiority over this idiot that is proud of working at Thompson’s. And depression sets in.

Imus and Warner Wolf discussed Jones’ meaningless public relations move on-air this morning:

Wolf: “Defensive back Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones, recently signed by the Cowboys. Here’s a guy suspended all of 2007 following a shooting in a Vegas night club.”

Imus: “Well, stuff happens. You’re in a night club, for God’s sake. What do you think’s gonna happen in a night club? People are drinking, they’re doing drugs. There are women there, and people have guns. So, there, go ahead.”

Wolf: “He’s also been arrested six times since being drafted by Tennessee in 2005.”

Imus: “What color is he?”

Wolf: “He’s African-American.”

Imus: “Well, there you go. Now we know.”

Wow. There have been two early, albeit entirely different reactions to this rather new story. Some are calling for the immediate termination of Imus this afternoon, while others are arguing that Imus meant that it is no surprise that Jones has been arrested so frequently given that police profile blacks. Both groups are morons.

The notion that he was attacking the subject of racial profiling with his comments is absurd. Please. If he wanted to pontificate on such a complex and sensitive subject, surely he would have offered more than simply, “Well, there you go. Now we know.”

Don Imus is racist. Accept it. Don’t listen. And if you don’t want to support the companies that advertise on his show, then don’t. It’s his act, it’s what he gets paid to do, so why the hell is anybody actually surprised or even outraged at his recent comments? It was only a matter of time.