More Problem People at the Gym

Now that I’m nice and showered down after my Saturday morning workout, I thought that you’d all like yet another installment of problem people that I’ve observed at the gym. Since this entry can prospectively be a book about the idiots that I encountered today, I’ll keep it short and sweet for each dunce.

The Bad Breath Treadmiller
Alright folks, if you’re going to go to the gym in the morning one of the cardinal rules is to brush your teeth beforehand! This guy on the treadmill next to me was just panting and huffing his way through his workout and his breath was utterly revolting. Granted, the proper thing to do in this situation is to awkwardly bring your treadmill to a stop, blatantly cover your nose, gather your things, and then move down to another treadmill (just to make the halitosis-laden idiot feel like the fool that he is), but I couldn’t do that this morning because dragon-breath happened to come onto the treadmill next to me after I was already about half-way done with my workout. Remember the general rule – NO BAD BREATH at the gym if you’re going to be panting and huffing!

The Naked Shaving
This isn’t something that I encountered today, but I did come upon it two nights ago at the gym – naked shaving in the men’s lockerroom. I understand when some of the older men who are high-up executives have to shave their faces after their workouts in the mornings before they get to the office. That’s perfectly logical. However, what I don’t understand is their need to do so NAKED! Why? Put a damn towel on yourself – you’re in a public place! But that’s not what bothered me about what I saw the other day…as I said above, I saw this naked shaving at NIGHT. That’s right folks, I saw an old man, bare-ass naked, shaving his beard at about 9:45PM. Guys…come on. I said something about this in one of my earlier posts about ridiculous things at the gym; I don’t mind that you’re gay or that you like other guys – but please, go to a bath house or go to a gay bar or something – DON’T go to the local gym and leave yourself standing naked for all the people in the men’s locker room to see!!! What the hell is wrong with these people?

The Clod Hopper
I did see/hear this person this morning at the gym. This is the guy or girl who gets on a treadmill (it could be across the floor from where you are) and as soon as they start the thing up all your hear is “BAM, BOOM, BAM, BOOM, BAM, BOOM!!!” Or, as is otherwise known, the sound of the tromping of their feet on the thick plastic walkway of the treadmill. Folks, here’s a lesson in walking, running, or jogging, on treadmills – if you can’t do it without waking the dead, then you’re doing something wrong! From a more scientific standpoint, one should understand that by putting so much pressure on your ankles, knees, hips, and back when you are on the treadmill you put yourself at a serious risk of doing great damage to your entire body. It’s just not worth it. Yes, I know that you’re only making that noise (most of the time) to impress everyone around you. However, if you’re at the gym and they’re at the gym, they’re not going to be impressed with your clod-hopping if they are sitting breaking their ass to get in shape, too.

The Unruly Children
Now you know I could go on and on about the troubles of young kids and hormonal pre-teens being left alone in the pool area of the gym, but two nights ago I was witness to some really uncivilized behavior. After I got out of the pool (there was only one other older man in the pool who was getting his laps in), I got into the hot tub. After about five minutes in the hot tob, the older man bidding me good night (it was about 9:45PM and the gym closes at 10PM), but there were two young girls of about 12 and 13 years of age who came unattended into the pool area. I figured, “I know that they’re going to do something stupid, so I’ll have to wait around a few minutes to find out what it is.” Well, it didn’t take long – about 30 seconds after they stepped into the pool the screaming began. Now I’m not talking about yelling and hollering or playing “Marco Polo” or something like that – I mean the belligerent, top of the lungs, “let’s let the entire gym know that we’re in here” type of screeching that literally drove me out of the hot tub and into the men’s locker room so quick that I almost vomited when the first sight that I saw in the men’s locker room was the naked shaving old man!

However, please don’t think that I’m the only one who complains about these things – there are other people who bitch right there at the gym. And also don’t think that I go to some weirdo factory because there are a lot of good people who frequent this place. Maybe my next gym-related entry will deal with the good folks.

  • Rick Van Thiel

    The main problem I have with most gyms is the awful music and the fact that you have to wear clothing. To bitch about someone shaving naked in a locker room is absurd! And that certainly doesn’t make him gay.

  • Joe

    Dude, the guy could wear a towel – no need for his bits and pieces to be in the same sink that the rest of the guys in the gym have to wash their hands in.

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  • E.

    I’m 20, straight, and consider myself to be a fairly conservative, God-fearing Christian. I shave in the locker room naked (in the morning before work and at night). Here’s why. At the gym I go to, there are sinks right next to the showers, in addition to those next to the lockers. I throw the shampoo in my hair, and then jump out of the shower and shave, then jump back in. I don’t have to worry about getting all of the shaving cream off of my face afterwards. It’s all about convenience.