Welcome to all on this most glorious day for the fighting American troops in Iraq! Whether you’ve agreed with this war or whether you were against it, no one can deny two things – first, that our troops overseas deserve our admiration and respect for doing a job that we are not doing. Secondly, they deserve a great congratulations for the hard work that they’ve done today and in the past weeks and months. Success is theirs.
With that said, for your viewing pleasure, I thought of nothing better than a few awkward moments that might come up while the troops are interrogating Saddam…
Hint: Think Late Night with Conan O’Brien and their Saddam Hussein impersonation…
Saddam is laying in his rat hole as the American soldiers approach…
Saddam: “Hey boys, I got a lot of money down here, huh? Little for you, little for me – no one’s the wiser?”
The soldiers have Saddam detained in the cellar he was found in…
Soldier: “Ugh! What’s that damn smell in that hole?!?”
Saddam: “Wasn’t me.”
Saddam is questioned as to why he had $750,000 in American $100 bills in his hole.
Saddam: “Oh that? What? What about it? I only used that money to put hits out on you infidel scum.”
The troops are standing around with Saddam in the medical office, waiting for the doctor…
Saddam: “So…uhhh…nice weather here in Iraq, eh?”
Saddam is getting that cotton swab stuck down his throat…
Saddam: “Don’t mind the breath – I’ve been living under a rock for a few months! Get it? A rock? Iraq? HAHAHA!!! Oh, ughhh…”
The interrogators begin their questions.
Interrogator: “So, did you have weapons of mass destruction?”
Saddam: “Weapons of mass destruction? What is that? I mean I had some anthrax and some botulin toxin, but nothing worthy of mass destruction!”
Interrogator: “Don’t you realize that chemical warfare IS mass destruction?”
Saddam: “Chemicals? What chemicals?”
Interrogator: “The anthrax and the botulin!”
Saddam: “Huh? I had no such thing! Stupid American infadel scum!”
The interrogators play back the tape of a few moments earlier when Saddam admitted having chemical weaponry.
Saddam: “I said no such thing!”
Interrogator: “Damn it.”
Saddam is sitting in the interrogator’s office…
Saddam: “So infidel scum…where are Uday and Qusay?”
(Originally published as a Balrog Babblings article)
